Again on Chinese Extramarital Sex Affair

A letter from a (sexually) frustrated Chinese married woman:


"Extramarital affair makes me feel like a real woman for the first time

I don’t understand this one bit, how did I suddenly become a “bad” woman?! I did indeed have a relationship with a guy from my office who’s younger than me. I am a married woman, but he has never been married before. In my heart, I’ve blamed myself all along, yet I cannot give it up.

Originally, my husband and I were childhood sweethearts. After getting married, the time we spent together each day was very little, but it was peaceful. Last year, a college student came to our office. He was very willing to chat with me. One time, we were on a business trip, and while we were eating, he had a lot to dink. Afterward, [he] came to my room to chat, in the end, he stayed and did not leave.

How should I put it, that was the first time I experienced the feeling of being a woman, very passionate. After this, I depended on him, could not leave him.

I must say that my husband still has feelings for me and respects me, but we haven’t had a sex life for a long time. As for the reason, I’m not entirely clear, the process of lovemaking for us is basically nonexistent, it’s over in a flash. Moreover, it’s basically me who initiates. If I don’t initiate, he won’t care about it. Furthermore, ever since we had a fight two years ago, we’ve been in a “Cold War” for a long time, after that there was on occasion once or twice, surprisingly [we] did not succeed, after that [we] never tried again.

This extramarital affair all of a sudden has woken my female consciousness, I feel my life has changed. I really want to be with that young guy, not sneakily, not occasionally, but like the enduring emotional attachment of a real married couple. Not being in a state of anxiety while enjoying life’s pleasures. But I know this is not possible, I’m a married person, [I] don’t have this kind of power. Unless I get a divorce.

Sometimes, I think about sacrificing it all, just leave [the marriage], if only so I can live a few days of comfort, not this state of being human yet inhuman, monstrous yet not a monster [sic, i.e. uncertain existence]. Regardless of whether I take custody of the child or she remains with her father, I will agree. Yet, thinking it over [makes me realize], this would not work out. First, the guy that I have grown to love is younger than me and has never married. Could he possibly be with with a woman older than him, who has had a divorce, and who has had a child before? Even if he accepts it, will his family accept it? Won’t the opinions of those around us put pressure on him?

Secondly, my husband has somewhat of a temper because he is not attractive, his face has pockmarks. If I were to suggest a divorce, this would provoke him further, his emotional wounds would be even deeper.

However, “maintaining” [the marriage] is really difficult. I have sometimes tried to communicate with my husband about physiological issues, finding some books for him to read. He always says he knows it, yet he doesn’t do anything. How can I force him to pay attention to this matter?!

I am a person, a flesh and blood woman, tell me how to restore this fall from grace after stealing a bite of the forbidden fruit?! What is the right thing for me to do?"


Source: ChinaSmack
http://www.chinasmack.com/2010/stories/sexually-frustrated-chinese-wife-younger-man.html